I should just throw up my arms, turn off this laptop and say, “That’s it! There are no words to put in this blog this week.” I have been sitting here for two hours, trying different approaches and hating each one of them. So, I’d delete them all, play three games of Word Bubbles on Lumosity — no, it did not make my mind any sharper as those white-coated “scientists” at Lumosity claim — and try a different approach. Nothing. This is a block beyond the normal writers’ block that I experience from time to time.
Part of it has to do with that 3 am wake up this morning which makes 3 pm in the afternoon a very sleepy time indeed. This time my early morning wake-up wasn’t caused by the looming search for a new place to live. No, this time I had something else to feed my doomsday imagination. I got this call yesterday — Saturday — from the lab where I had had an ECG the day before. No one, and I mean no one, wants to hear from those people on a weekend. Immediately after she identified herself and told me it was about my ECG, my little heart started beating faster in confirmation of any and all bad news that she was going to tell me. She ended her message by saying, “If you get dizzy, go to an ER immediately.” She followed that by saying, “Have a nice weekend.” My scornful laugh at that statement encouraged her to add, “There’s really nothing to worry about.” Easy for her to say. Is it her heart that’s beating irregularly? Hell no it’s not. Anyway, that set the tone for the whole weekend. It ruined everything. I didn’t even go to aquafit, worrying that my very stable heart would just burst as I did my cross-country skiing across the pool. It was pure craziness.And I knew it was craziness because, think about it, if I had been out of town or I didn’t bother to listen to messages, which I do quite often, I never would have heard her warning and thus would not have worried myself into a dither the whole of Saturday.
Today I said enough of this. I got myself out of bed and up to the pool and then off to brunch with friends and back here to sit mindlessly in front of this screen allowing worrisome thoughts to creep in now and then. When no words came, I decided to walk up to the corner and watch the Santa Claus Parade. I thought hearing the marching bands — my favourite part of any parade — and seeing and hearing excited kids and then, of course, waving to Santa when he passed by would surely shatter this writer’s block and release happy words to send out today.
But, alas, I missed the whole parade. As I started walking up the final two blocks to the corner, there I saw him, Santa, in his bright red suit waving to others, not even seeing me all the way down the street. Then I heard the roar of the crowd — I do not exaggerate — and I knew that was it, kaput, the parade was over. My plan to erase my mind fog with some jolly ho-ho-hos was squashed. There was nothing to do but turn around, walk home and sit in front of this screen for another unproductive hour and send out this uninspiring but finished blog. There’s always next week, eh?