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The cats have done it again. Just when I thought the rules were clear and all parties understood them perfectly, they decided to Do-As-They-Damn-Well-Pleased — AGAIN.  This is all about ownership of my brand new, fabulous mattress. Do note that I said My new mattress, not Our new mattress.

I have put off buying a new mattress long past the Best-By date. I had had the old one for over 20 years — long before these two furry felines made this their home. I knew years ago, that it needed to be replaced, but buying a new mattress, for me at least, is a daunting prospect. For one thing, there’s that enormous amount of money you have to pay and then there’s the constant self-questioning on which one is really the best one to buy. So every time I thought about it, my shoulders would slump and I would do anything to put it off. But, for over a year, I have been talking so much about needing a new one that friends would say, “You haven’t bought that yet???” This kind of remark did not which make me feel like the accomplished, get-things-done gal that I know I am.

Perhaps, I had set myself up for utter failure by including it to my Absolutely-Get-These-Things-Done-Before-You-Turn-70 list. There it was grouped with getting my will done and paying for my cremation. Definitely not good bedfellows, so to speak. Every time I thought about any of them and how many thousands of dollars I’d have to spend, I would tuck that little list away and make an easier one that usually involved buying wine and crackers and, perhaps, cat food.

Then, in my in-box, there came the announcement of the annual Bay Days. Everyone in Canada knows that when the Hudson Bay Company has their big sale, it’s time to buy. I looked at it as a message from above. Surely, I could brace myself and my pocket book and go mattress shopping. I never go to the 5th floor of the Bay where furniture, appliances and mattresses live. It’s always darker and less peopled than the other floors and, really, how many refrigerators do you need when you rent? I wandered around unnoticed — not an unusual experience for a grey haired lady — until finally, a young man said, “May I help you?” He was very cute in his youngness and slightly crumpled shirt. He turned his professional salesman persona on and led me across the floor to where the mattresses lived. I told him that cost was definitely a consideration so he steered me away from the multi-thousands of dollar Hotel Exclusive ones. “I always start with this one,” he said. I laid my fully-coated-and-shoed person down on the mattress. “Nope, this does nothing for me. Next.” We moved from one to the other to the other, I felt like a grey haired Goldilocks getting worried that the bears were coming home soon. I told the sweet guy that I had to be very certain because this mattress was going to see me out. He looked startled so I assured him I wasn’t going to check out right then and there on his sales floor.

Then, when I was ready to give up, I slipped onto the next. “Oh, this is good.” He smiled just like he knew I would like it. He went off to help someone else and I just stayed right-where-I-was on that comfy mattress. I tried another but went back to the one that was just right for me. But then, as I was walking to the cash register to pay, I heard myself say, “Let me think it over and get back to you tomorrow.” “Why?”, my saner inner person said. Just Do It! So I did. Handed over that credit card and then, since what’s a few hundred dollars more, eh,  I went down a floor and spent more on sheets and mattress covers, trala.

THE mattress arrived on November 8 — yes, one good thing happened that day. I made it all up and waited for nighttime to try it out. I was excited and anticipated a Sleeping Beauty kind of rest. But, that’s when the cats decided that it was awfully nice of me to buy them a new bed so they were going to take even more space than they did on the old one. Do they keep to their designated cat spaces at the bottom of the bed, or way off to one side? No, Never. They stretch themselves out — nose to bum — horizontally across the centre of the bed, leaving me two narrow strips on either side. I pointed out to them that they did not pay one little cent for this expensive new bed so they could go downstairs and sleep on the back of the couch that they have ruined so nicely. They pretended not to hear me and just stretched out further to irritate me. So I adjusted my sleeping space and nudged them a little this way and that just so they know I’m there.

Oh, and I’ve crossed off another big item on that daunting list. Two down, one to go . I think that last one will have to wait until after my 70th birthday. I’ll just make a new list.